HLC Life Coaching Blog

March 4, 2013

Recovery/ 12 Steps Series – Step 3

How to Walk the 12 Steps with the HuMethod™ Article 4
Turn Your Will and Your Life Over and Begin to …
Feel, Release and Rewire

 

By Certified Life Coach Deborah Giddings
Namasté soul friends,
Welcome to this next article in the series “How to Walk the 12 Steps with the HuMethod™.  I have to tell you that as I’ve been writing these articles, my 12-step journey continues to expand and deepen.  Journaling always was a great tool for me, and now this form of writing seems to be taking me in another direction.  Thank You God!
In Step 3 when I “Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood God” a shift happened.  Until this point I was ‘thinking alone’ in my mind, which is a fear-based system that can only draw from my own history.  I lived my life always waiting for the next crisis to be over with.  Now I know that “life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s learning how to dance in the rain, and Detachment is dancing in the rain mastery” (quote taken in part from the HuMan Handbook™ soon to be released).
Using the HuMethod™ exercise of Self-Parenting, I formed a new relationship with the God of my understanding to help me fulfill the emotional dependency needs that were not met when I was a child.  Remember, these HuMethod™ exercises don’t replace the proven 12 Steps. They are a bridge that you can take that will introduce you to advanced tools to enhance and accelerate your recovery journey.
There are seven pieces of Self-parenting:
  1. Emotional Intimacy
    (“in-to-me-see”) – I learned how to be emotionally honest about what I am feeling and thinking.  In doing this I replaced my fear based  thoughts with God thoughts.  I never was honest about my feelings  and in fact spent all of my childhood and a lot of my early adulthood suppressing, repressing, minimizing and denying my feelings.  My feelings were the ‘enemy’.  Today I know that my feelings are a gift from the God of my understanding to help me connect with my body and my Self.
  2. Self-Nurturing – I am able to take care of my inner child in such a way that I feel safe and protected in the world.  I was never held and gently touched as a child and as a result always felt dis-connected to the world, which frightened me and gave more fuel to my ego.  I felt alone.  Today as I nurture myself I am in harmony with my divine Self and conscious of this life force energy.  I am never alone.
  3. Unconditional Love & Acceptance – Turning my will and life over to the care of God gave me an intuitive understanding that I AM a ‘perfect’ child of God now, as is, so I can love and accept myself (and others) ‘without behavioral conditions’ especially when I display less than perfect behavior.  Understanding the Language of Feelings helped me to accept and love myself and others regardless of their less than perfect behavior.  I learned how to stop suppressing, repressing, minimizing, denying and judging what I was feeling.  I understand today that what happened actually happened for the evolution of my immortal soul.  Unconditionally loving and accepting myself gave me the serenity I had been searching for.
  4. Boundary Protection – Allows me to feel safe and secure in the world because I have mastered how to maturely protect my boundaries to the right person, in the right manner, to the right degree and in the right way.  I had no clue what boundaries were and as a result, walked all over mine and everyone else’s on a regular basis.  My temper tantrums took the forms of screaming, yelling, slamming, pouting, crying and then walking away.  As I became more conscious, setting boundaries gave me the distinction that I needed between me and the people in my life and gave me integrity.
  5. Validating My Life – Helped me to “own” the whole truth about everything I experienced in my life.  This meant accepting, at the deepest level, that what happened actually happened so I could truly say “YES” to life.  Accepting this truth, as is, put my ego out of a job.Most of my life I spent dissing myself and making excuses for everyone around me.  In the end, there was no life left in me. I had completely turned my will and my life over to my EGO.  Today I give value to my feelings with well grounded evidence of why my feelings aren’t right, wrong good or bad,they are just what I am feeling. When I validate my feelings, my ego has nothing else to do.
  6. Three EGO S’s – Using my self-parenting techniques, which make me feel safe,sane and secure in the world, made my child-like ego defenses that I needed to survive when I was a child, obsolete.  As a child I needed the protection of my ego defenses because I was too small, vulnerable and naïve to protect my Self.  I couldn’t protect myself against large, powerful adults who acted out in dysfunctional ways.  Today I use my ego and am not used by it.  I use the three S’s as I validate myself.  I know that it’s safe for me to feel what I feel, that my Self will always be here to protect me which makes me feel sane and secure.
  7. Four P’s of a Self-Mastered Adult – I now use my Adult Powers to Protect me, which makes my world safe. I give myself Permission to live my life by my own set of rules that are based on my own unique, moral and ethical standards.  I have integrated my Self-Parenting exercises into my daily life to such a degree that “I AM” my Self-mastery message of unconditional love and acceptance.  Thank you God!
I could talk all day about how my life has changed by Self-mastering the Self-Parenting exercises.   If you are interested in learning more, log onto Holistic Learning Center’s web page and
Stay connected… with HLC by joining our mailing list
and by “LIKE”-ing Holistic Learning Centers page on Facebook
Where you will receive daily coaching updates, words of wisdom, special savings offers
Join me next time as I share how I experienced the benefits of ‘taking a fearless and moral inventory’ using HuMethod™ diagnostic exercises.    Keep coming – it works if you work it!
Deborah Giddings, CSLC and Recovery Trainer
If you seek Recovery Coaching help for yourself or for a family member, if you are an HLC CSLC or CIT, an addiction counselor or a recovery coach, or if you are in Al-Anon, AA, OA, GA, NA, SLAA and you want to mastermind with Deborah you can contact Deborah directly via her email Deb.Giddings@HolisticLearningCenter.com.  Deborah is also available for speaking engagements to share how her recovery journey was transformed by emotionalizing the HuMethod™ exercises.

by admin | 3 Comments

  • Diane C on October 24, 2011 at 7:34 pm | Reply |

    Thank you Hu, HLC and Deborah, for this blog. These Self Mastery tools found using the Hu Method have helped a great deal in my journey of recovery. Prior to working with an HLC coach, I had done a lot of inner reflection and I had also made massive changes in my life, my behavior and in my thinking. It was all good stuff and I cleaned up my past, trusted in God and helped others. But, there remained a gnawing in my heart and the negative sound of low self-esteem in my mind, and I continued to be accessed by things that other people said and did. The Self-Parenting exercises seemed awkward at first and my ego mind resisted the slight mention of performing this life changing action. My ego fought diligently to stay on top and “in charge.”
    These methods work quickly though, and after a short time, I began to truly love the Diane that I am…………….AND, I had less and less dependency upon my children, my grandchildren and my husband for the way I felt and how I responded to life. I began to see that it is my responsibility and mine alone to nurture, love and protect my Self. That was huge! I now had a way to do that as opposed to hiding, running, expecting, and coercing. Wow!
    HLC’s proven methods worked so well for me that I not only began to practice these methods as a way of life, but I decided to coach others to do the same. I am the recipient of much healing and Self-appreciation and I have so many opportunities to share these methods with others in recovery. Join us on this journey and enhance your recovery as so many others have done. Remember: Nothing changes if nothing changes!


  • Eric on October 16, 2011 at 4:23 pm | Reply |

    I’ve been reading these blog articles for while now and the integration of the healing program is very interesting. I have a friend who is in recovery and I am referring her to them. Thank you for the share.


  • Lavinia on October 16, 2011 at 10:33 am | Reply |

    I wish I had these articles and knew of this website in the beginning of my recover journey!
    None-the-less I am enjoying them now, thank you.


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    January 20, 2013

    Recovery/ 12 Step Series – Step 2

    How To Walk the 12 Steps with The HuMethod™ Article 3

    Clean the slate of your mind and be restored to sanity by learning…
    Why Affirmations Alone Don’t Work

    By Certified Life Coach Deborah Giddings

    Namasté soul friends,

    Welcome to the next blog in the series “How to Walk the 12 Steps with the HuMethod™. Remember, these HuMethod™ exercises don’t replace the proven 12 Steps. They are a bridge that you can take that will introduce you to advanced tools to enhance and accelerate your recovery journey.

    Step 2 – “Came to believe that a power greater than me could restore me to sanity.”  When I look at this step I ask myself a few
    questions…. “What do I believe?”  “Can I really be restored to sanity?”  The question of whether or not there is a power greater than me was never the issue.  My beliefs around this power definitely needed to be surfaced and healed, and my beliefs about whether I was worth being restored to sanity needed to be surfaced and healed, but I never dis-believed that there was a power greater than me that could do this.  In fact, it was this knowing that gave me hope and kept me moving towards my Self.

    I used to believe that if I thought it long enough, or held it in my mind long enough, it would materialize.  When I was
    living with active alcoholism I thought that if I visualized a happy life I would have one (delusion).  Or if I ignored everything happening around me and only thought positively it will go away on its own (denial).  Or if I could only try and see the good in
    everyone and everything I could make them happy and I would be happy (enabling).  As long as I deluded, denied and enabled I
    couldn’t change anything.  I was living in the disease.

    ******************************************************

    Stay connected… with HLC by joining our mailing list [click here] and
    by “LIKE”-ing HLC on Facebook [click here] Where you will receive daily coaching updates, words of wisdom, special savings offers

    ******************************************************

    When I first did the HuMethod™ exercise of “Why Affirmations Alone Don’t Work” I learned a few facts:  1) Most of my core beliefs were formed when I was a child based on what I experienced, and 90% of these beliefs are unconscious, and 2) I create my reality based on my beliefs, whether my beliefs are true, false, or not relevant to whom I am today.   This helped me understand why everything I was trying wasn’t working.  I know today that my unconscious beliefs hold the answers I seek so as I take my Journey Home to my Self, I need to fully explore and experience all of my unconscious beliefs.

    There are four key concepts in this exercise, and in the hope that you will be inspired to take a deeper look, I will share with you how emotionalizing each of these helped me deepen my recovery as I continue to take my Journey Home to my Self.

    The key HuMethod™ concepts that I learned in this exercise were:

    • Piling it onI don’t know about you, but the disease of alcoholism came to me with all kinds of dysfunctional experiences, pain and loss, in every possible way.  I had been ‘piling it on’ since birth and so by the time I hit my bottom I was so far into a hole that I truly didn’t know how to begin to climb out.
    • Tabula rasaTabula  Rasa translates from the Greek and means “clean slate”.  My mind was layered with so much
      contradictory programming (negative and positive) that it triggered the  Law of Physics that states “No  two things can occupy the same space at the same time.” This meant that my contradictory thoughts nullified the positive thoughts that I was affirming while I was attempting to create loving relationships. How can I even begin to combat the mind disease part of alcoholism when this is occurring?  I used to whip myself into a frenzy because my mind told me that I didn’t believe hard enough or I that was good enough.  It continually told me that I wasn’t enough. How was I ever going to be restored to sanity?  By practicing and emotionalizing this exercise, I learned that I could clean the slate of my mind.  Hope was at hand.
    • Pre-mature positive thinkingWhat I experienced in my childhood and early adult years was so traumatic that in
      order for me to survive, my mind tried all kinds of tricks, and this one was the most harmful.  I used to think ‘innocence is bliss’ but I learned that innocence almost killed me.  Denial is a killer.  Knowledge and empowerment are what saved me.
      The disease didn’t go away just because I wanted it to.  Saying things like “they did the best they could” or “they too have a disease” or “it’s okay” didn’t help me to become conscious.  I know today they did thebest they could, but it wasn’t enough, and now it was up to me to learn how to nourish and nurture myself so I could feel safe, sane and secure in the world.
    • Nothing changes until it becomes what it isBy doing the HuMethod™ exercises, along with coaching, I was finally able to remember the lesson but forget the experience.  I never thought that I would be able to have a memory of my childhood without going back and reliving the painful experience.  I know today that I have a story but I’m not that story anymore.  I cannot begin to tell you the freedom that has come from this.

    Join me next time as I share how I really learned to ‘turn my will and my life over’ by becoming non-resistant.  Don’t forget …   Keep coming – it works if you work it!

     

    Deborah Giddings, CSLC and Recovery Trainer

    If you seek Recovery Coaching help for yourself or for a family member, if you are an HLC CSLC or CIT, an addiction counselor or a recovery coach, or if you are in Al-Anon, AA, OA, GA, NA, SLAA and you want to mastermind with Deborah you can contact Deborah directly via her email debcoaching11@yahoo.com.  Deborah is also available for speaking engagements to share how her recovery journey was transformed by emotionalizing the HuMethod™ exercises.

     

    by admin | 3 Comments

  • Pingback: University

  • Dell on October 16, 2011 at 6:31 pm | Reply |

    Good point. I hadn’t tuhoght about it quite that way. :)


  • Sam Jones on October 12, 2011 at 4:18 pm | Reply |

    This is fascinating, thank you for sharing.
    I am “brand new” on my journey as you would say and I am loving all of this new age information!


    • Eliza on October 16, 2011 at 4:15 am | Reply |

      You know what, I’m very much ilninced to agree.


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    December 17, 2012

    Recovery/ 12 Step Series – Step 1

    How To Walk the 12 Steps with The HuMethod™

    Article 2- Surrender to Your E.G.O.’s Mind Thoughts

    By Certified Life Coach Deborah Giddings

     

    Namasté Soul Friends,

    Welcome to the next blog in the series “How to Walk the 12 Steps with the HuMethod™.  Remember, these HuMethod™
    exercises don’t replace the proven 12 Steps.  They are a bridge that you can take that will introduce you to advanced tools to enhance and accelerate your recovery journey.

    Starting with Step 1, I am using terminology that may cause your E.G.O. [Edging God Out] to say “Hey, wait a minute there.  I’ve been using the 12 Steps in my recovery journey for ‘x’ years and it’s worked just fine for me so far.” I agree because the 12 Steps have worked for me as well, and I am here to share some additional recovery tools that you can use to enhance this journey.  Join me with a coachable beginner’s mind and give yourself permission to soar even higher with these empowering tools.

    Step 1 states that I am powerless over alcohol (people, places and things) and because I could not accept that powerlessness my life had become unmanageable.  When I take this step using the HuMethod™, I am learning how to dis-identify with my ego-mind thoughts. I’m dis-identifying with my job titles and roles that kept my life unmanageable.  I am saying that “I’m ready to change”.  I have a beginner’s mind and I’m ready to do something different. I may not yet consciously believe it, but I am making contact with a power greater than me.

    I don’t know about you, but my ego-mind thoughts could tell me anything was true, and since I functioned solely in my ego-mind, I would believe these thoughts, and then react to them based on the history of me.  This caused my life to be unmanageable because I always thought I had to ‘do’ something. I could not ever just ‘BE’.

    As I continue my Journey Home to my Self, I wanted to learn how to tell when my ego-mind thoughts were speaking to me vs. my Higher Power.

    The HuMethod™ Spiritual Distinction Meditation was a key exercise for me because it trained me how to feel the difference between my three core spiritual distinctions:

    • The distinction between how my Spirit feels, as opposed to how my ego mind feels. My Higher Power speaks to me through the language of feelings and my ego-mind speaks to me through the language of words.  Until I learned how to tell the difference between Spirit (Higher Power) and ego-mind, my ego-mind had me re-acting to life vs. surrendering and allowing my Higher Power to guide me.
    • The distinction between “thinking” thoughts about my “feelings” vs. actually feeling and releasing my feelings. This was a huge distinction for me to learn because the two main feelings my ego had me believe I had were ‘fear’ and ‘anger’.  Everything fell under these two categories.   When in actuality, I wasn’t feeling ‘fear’, I was blocking my feelings of fear with anxiety and always acted uncertain about everything I did. I blocked my feelings of anger with blame and felt betrayed by people.  Today I know that I can feel my feelings of anger which help me protect me and my boundaries, learn what I need to learn about the feeling and then release the energy. I’ve learned that my feelings aren’t good, bad, right or wrong.  They just are!  Today I know that when I learn how to feel and release my feelings the better I’ll feel and the faster I’ll heal.
    • The distinction between the… Being and the being’s behavior. This distinction helped me to start to learn
      to distinguish when my history was being replayed to me so that I didn’t react like a wounded child.  I was able to
      connect with my Higher Power and respond like an adult.  My ego-mind will do anything it needs to do to protect me from harm.  Because of the trauma I experienced as a child, my ego mind created defenses to help me feel safe, sane and secure.  Today, it is important for me to differentiate the uncomfortable feelings that are still rooted in my childhood from my spiritual powers that I now possess when I connect with my Higher Power.

    There are three phases to this exercise which are:

    • Phase One relaxes you while it also begins to train your Ego-Mind to obey your Spirit as you command your mind to override your normal way of breathing.  These beginning steps started to teach my ego-mind that my Higher Power is more powerful than my ego.  This helped me to start to become more awake to my actions and reactions and their affect on others.
    • Phase Two quiets your mind-talk by directing your attention to your senses so that you can rehab your feelings by practicing how to process your environment through your five senses and feelings. This helped me to start
      to feel my senses vs. processing them through my mind which had kept me hyper-vigilant and always on a defensive alert.
    • Phase Three teaches you how to FEEL the difference between your composite parts; specifically the difference between your Spirit (Higher Power) and body; body and vision; Spirit (Higher Power) and Ego-Mind.  I love this part of the exercise because this is where I really learned how to feel my connection to my Higher Power.

    In the beginning, this wasn’t a comfortable exercise for me to do.  My ego-mind thoughts were trying to talk me
    out of it and even tried to convince me that I didn’t need to do the exercise
    anymore, that I had it down and could now move on.  I can’t tell you how many times this same ego-mind
    told me that I didn’t need to keep pursuing a path of recovery.  Thank God I didn’t listen.

    I am a Spirit who has a mind and a body. I have thoughts, but I am not my thoughts. I have feelings, but I am not my
    feelings. I have human identities (roles) such as woman, man, mother and doctor, but I am not the roles I play. I display behaviors, but I am not my good or bad behaviors.  I am a spiritual being having a human experience.

    When you master the Spiritual Distinction Meditation you, too, will reap these recovery benefits:

    • The ability to feel the difference when your Ego-Mind is attempting “drag you into your past” with “rational lies” and any number of illusions that seem real, but which are only false projections to make you feel safe, sane and/or emotionally secure.  This helped me to start to recover my true Spirit self from the wounded victim role that my ego-mind had me playing.  When I started to recover my Self, I started to feel safer in my own skin.
    • The ability to be more aware when your “job titles” cause you to IDENTIFY who you are based on the roles that you play.  With practice, you’ll be able to feel the difference between who you are (Spirit) from what you do.  This will help you to be less co-dependent on others because you will be standing in your own truth.
    • The Spiritual Distinction Meditation will help you to master who you are now, an adult with adult powers and let go of who you were as a little, dependent child.  This will help you to differentiate your uncomfortable feelings that are rooted in fear, and your spiritual powers of Self-mastery that you now possess as a Self-empowered
      adult.  Mastering this meditation, by practicing it daily for over a year, I started to permanently heal and recover
      from the affects of alcoholism in my life. The wounded child trigger buttons slowly got dismantled, and though they
      can still appear, I don’t react as quickly and can now respond like an adult.  Mastering this meditation is taking the first
      step using the HuMethod™ exercises with my recovery program.

     

    Stay connected… with HLC by joining ourmailing list and by “LIKE”-ing HLC onFacebook

    Where you will receive daily coaching updates, words of wisdom, special savings offers

    Visit HLC’s virtual bookstore and purchase an MP3 of the Spiritual Distinction Meditation. Try this exercise
    and share any differences you are feeling.  For those of you already experiencing the Spiritual Distinction Meditation, let us know how this has helped you.  Next time we’ll talk about how, in Step 2, when I started to discover my beliefs I could ‘come to believe’…     Keep coming – it works if you work it!

    Coach Deborah Giddings,
    CSLC and Recovery Trainer

    If you seek Recovery Coaching help for yourself or for a family member, if you
    are an HLC CSLC or CIT, an addiction counselor or a recovery coach, or if you
    are in Al-Anon, AA, OA, GA, NA, SLAA and you want to mastermind with Deborah you
    can contact Deborah directly via her email debcoaching11@yahoo.com.  Deborah is also available for speaking
    engagements to share how her recovery journey was transformed by emotionalizing the HuMethod™ exercises.

    by admin | 3 Comments

  • Chavonne on October 19, 2011 at 3:50 pm | Reply |

    I never thought about it that way. Feeling my feelings vs thinking. I like that. Thank you.


  • Bobbo on October 16, 2011 at 5:24 pm | Reply |

    This is GREAT information thank you for sharing. I look forward to more.


  • Mellie on October 16, 2011 at 3:31 pm | Reply |

    Thank you for sharing Coach Deborah!


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