Recovery/ 12 Steps Series – Step 3

How to Walk the 12 Steps with the HuMethod™ Article 4
Turn Your Will and Your Life Over and Begin to …
Feel, Release and Rewire


By Certified Life Coach Deborah Giddings
Namasté soul friends,
Welcome to this next article in the series “How to Walk the 12 Steps with the HuMethod™.  I have to tell you that as I’ve been writing these articles, my 12-step journey continues to expand and deepen.  Journaling always was a great tool for me, and now this form of writing seems to be taking me in another direction.  Thank You God!
In Step 3 when I “Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood God” a shift happened.  Until this point I was ‘thinking alone’ in my mind, which is a fear-based system that can only draw from my own history.  I lived my life always waiting for the next crisis to be over with.  Now I know that “life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s learning how to dance in the rain, and Detachment is dancing in the rain mastery” (quote taken in part from the HuMan Handbook™ soon to be released).
Using the HuMethod™ exercise of Self-Parenting, I formed a new relationship with the God of my understanding to help me fulfill the emotional dependency needs that were not met when I was a child.  Remember, these HuMethod™ exercises don’t replace the proven 12 Steps. They are a bridge that you can take that will introduce you to advanced tools to enhance and accelerate your recovery journey.
There are seven pieces of Self-parenting:
  1. Emotional Intimacy
    (“in-to-me-see”) – I learned how to be emotionally honest about what I am feeling and thinking.  In doing this I replaced my fear based  thoughts with God thoughts.  I never was honest about my feelings  and in fact spent all of my childhood and a lot of my early adulthood suppressing, repressing, minimizing and denying my feelings.  My feelings were the ‘enemy’.  Today I know that my feelings are a gift from the God of my understanding to help me connect with my body and my Self.
  2. Self-Nurturing – I am able to take care of my inner child in such a way that I feel safe and protected in the world.  I was never held and gently touched as a child and as a result always felt dis-connected to the world, which frightened me and gave more fuel to my ego.  I felt alone.  Today as I nurture myself I am in harmony with my divine Self and conscious of this life force energy.  I am never alone.
  3. Unconditional Love & Acceptance – Turning my will and life over to the care of God gave me an intuitive understanding that I AM a ‘perfect’ child of God now, as is, so I can love and accept myself (and others) ‘without behavioral conditions’ especially when I display less than perfect behavior.  Understanding the Language of Feelings helped me to accept and love myself and others regardless of their less than perfect behavior.  I learned how to stop suppressing, repressing, minimizing, denying and judging what I was feeling.  I understand today that what happened actually happened for the evolution of my immortal soul.  Unconditionally loving and accepting myself gave me the serenity I had been searching for.
  4. Boundary Protection – Allows me to feel safe and secure in the world because I have mastered how to maturely protect my boundaries to the right person, in the right manner, to the right degree and in the right way.  I had no clue what boundaries were and as a result, walked all over mine and everyone else’s on a regular basis.  My temper tantrums took the forms of screaming, yelling, slamming, pouting, crying and then walking away.  As I became more conscious, setting boundaries gave me the distinction that I needed between me and the people in my life and gave me integrity.
  5. Validating My Life – Helped me to “own” the whole truth about everything I experienced in my life.  This meant accepting, at the deepest level, that what happened actually happened so I could truly say “YES” to life.  Accepting this truth, as is, put my ego out of a job.Most of my life I spent dissing myself and making excuses for everyone around me.  In the end, there was no life left in me. I had completely turned my will and my life over to my EGO.  Today I give value to my feelings with well grounded evidence of why my feelings aren’t right, wrong good or bad,they are just what I am feeling. When I validate my feelings, my ego has nothing else to do.
  6. Three EGO S’s – Using my self-parenting techniques, which make me feel safe,sane and secure in the world, made my child-like ego defenses that I needed to survive when I was a child, obsolete.  As a child I needed the protection of my ego defenses because I was too small, vulnerable and naïve to protect my Self.  I couldn’t protect myself against large, powerful adults who acted out in dysfunctional ways.  Today I use my ego and am not used by it.  I use the three S’s as I validate myself.  I know that it’s safe for me to feel what I feel, that my Self will always be here to protect me which makes me feel sane and secure.
  7. Four P’s of a Self-Mastered Adult – I now use my Adult Powers to Protect me, which makes my world safe. I give myself Permission to live my life by my own set of rules that are based on my own unique, moral and ethical standards.  I have integrated my Self-Parenting exercises into my daily life to such a degree that “I AM” my Self-mastery message of unconditional love and acceptance.  Thank you God!
I could talk all day about how my life has changed by Self-mastering the Self-Parenting exercises.   If you are interested in learning more, log onto Holistic Learning Center’s web page and
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Join me next time as I share how I experienced the benefits of ‘taking a fearless and moral inventory’ using HuMethod™ diagnostic exercises.    Keep coming – it works if you work it!
Deborah Giddings, CSLC and Recovery Trainer
If you seek Recovery Coaching help for yourself or for a family member, if you are an HLC CSLC or CIT, an addiction counselor or a recovery coach, or if you are in Al-Anon, AA, OA, GA, NA, SLAA and you want to mastermind with Deborah you can contact Deborah directly via her email  Deborah is also available for speaking engagements to share how her recovery journey was transformed by emotionalizing the HuMethod™ exercises.