Part 4- How to Determine Your Personal Self-parenting Healing Objectives

Learn how to use Self-parenting Life Coaching exercises to teach your client to feel emotionally safe. These exercises will allow the client to willingly reconnect and let go of their repressed feelings and emotions from childhood.

Do I Need to Heal My Childhood Wounds to be Truly Happy?

How Self-Parenting Exercises Fulfill The Client's Emotional Dependency Needs

Learn Self-Parenting Life Coaching Exercises to use with clients

As Spiritual Life Coaches it's imperative to teach Self-Parenting Life Coaching exercises to clients in order to build a foundation of healing. When you feel emotionally safe you will willingly reconnect with your repressed feelings, memories and emotions that are still frozen behind ego defenses that you needed when you were a child. When you were a child you needed your childlike defenses to feel safe, but they are no longer necessary because you are now an adult who is learning how to parent yourself.

make you feel loved and nurtured.

Self-Parenting Life Coaching Exercise- "As a Self-Mastered Adult"

As a Self-mastered adult… If I don’t learn how to fulfill my emotional dependency needs, then I’ll never feel safe, sane, and secure in the world; For I'll always have to look to others to tell me who I am. If I don’t expect emotional intimacy, I am saying that…“I’m Ok with you being emotionally distant from me,” and I’ll distance myself for fear of rejection. If I don’t demonstrate unconditional love for my Self, I am showing people that “I’m not worthy of receiving love, nor your benefit of the doubt.” If I don’t demand respect, I’ll give people permission to treat me disrespectfully; for I teach people how to treat me by the way I treat myself. If I don’t use my adult powers, I’ll fall prey to my own “child-like” ego defenses; and the walls I build will keep out the love I seek. If I don’t maturely defend my boundaries with my adult powers, then people will “trespass” me just like they did when I was a powerless child! If I don’t give my Self permission to be myself, then people will “mold me” into who they want me to be, taking me further away from the light of my real Self and closer to the darkness of my “persona” (mask). If I don’t learn to validate and release my feelings, then my feelings will create dis-ease within me; for a dis-ease is a perfect creation; a negative feeling made manifest. If I beat my Self up when I “act out” with “less than perfect” behavior, then I am affirming that, “I AM my behavior” and not a child of God. If I’m not willing to practice my Self-parenting skills until they become a part of my consciousness, then when life “tests” me I’ll attempt to protect my Self using immature, childlike, ego-based methods. If I don’t “respond with ability” to make my life emotionally, sexually, and physically Safe, Sane, and Secure, then I’ll live a life of “quiet desperation,” comfortable in my “uncomfortable-ness” and fearful of life’s opportunities, unable to fulfill my divine birthright, a life worthy of a child of God!


Self-Parenting Truisms

This next Self-parenting Life Coaching exercise helps you to determine your personal emotional healing objectives. This particular SMA asks you to rate the following from one to ten, with ten being the truisms that most highly emotionally resonate with your personal history. After rating them all from 1-10, select your top ten,  rewrite them in first party and entitle them …My Emotional Healing Objectives.

  • Your repressed anger and fear moves you to defend yourself.
  • You won’t heal until you stop defending and making excuses for your parents’ “less then perfect” behavior.
  • If you are unwilling to see the truth of your past, your past remains unfinished emotional business, dooming you to re-live it again and again and again.
  • A witness of violence is a victim of violence.
  • You need to see and own the seriousness of your emotional wounds because they dominate your adult life.
  • You must risk being vulnerable in order to be emotionally intimate.
  • “You can’t know what you don’t know.” This means that you will “act out” any unconscious, unresolved issues that you have yet to express consciously.
  • You can’t heal what you are unwilling to feel. The doorway out of your pain is through your pain.
  • Forgiveness is not some sentimental or superficial process. If real harm was done to you, it needs to be legitimized and validated before you can really let it go.
  • An adult who was emotionally (physically, sexually) wounded during childhood “acts out” because his/her pain has never been “worked out.”
  • If you were wounded as a child through parental neglect your “inner child” will isolate, withdraw, ignore or become enmeshed within your family’s dysfunctional roles.
  • A child learns to love by being loved, so if your emotional dependency needs were not met you will need to learn how to love and nurture yourself the same way that you learned how to read and write…with study and practice.
  • Many parents were “too wrapped up in their own neurosis” to be able to love their children.
  • A very sad fact is that, “most children from dysfunctional families have been hurt the most when they were the neediest.”
  • An abuser is one who was abused. It’s a learned behavior.
  • When a person has been sexually abused they feel unlovable and therefore they will usually become antisexual, or supersexual in order to feel that they matter.
  • People who were wounded during childhood have a tendency to react with intense emotion about trivial issues. This is because they are reacting to what isn’t there on the “outside” but what is there on the “inside”… an emotionally wounded child.
  • Your primary obligation in life is to master your own life. You didn’t come into this world to take care of your parents.
  • Your payoff for resenting your parents is to never emotionally separate from them. As long as you spend your energy secretly hating them, you will remain attached to them.
  • After you have expressed your repressed feelings you will need to teach yourself basic life skills that you never learned as a child.
  • The rule of thumb for emotional (non-physical) sexual abuse is, “Whenever the child is more important to a parent than the parent’s spouse, potential for emotional sexual abuse exists.”
  • Screaming at children violates their “sense of value” and therefore when they grow up they believe that no matter what they do, “I’m not good enough.”
  • When a child learns that the way they are is not O.K. they learn to be what their parents want them to be, and in turn they lose their own individualized identity.
  • Many seemingly rational adults live stormy emotional lives. Their storms will continue until they resolve their original pain by allowing their repressed feelings to surface through the grieving process and the mental realization that nothing changes until it becomes what it is.
  • You will need not only courage to heal your emotional wounds, but also the willingness to trust yourself enough to surrender your ego defense mechanisms, which you have used to protect yourself since childhood.
  • For you to heal you MUST believe two therapeutic facts... 1) Your parent’s intentions are… NOT relevant. 2) Only what actually happened to you… IS

Self-Parenting Life Coaching Exercises In a Nutshell

Self-parenting is heart work. Self-parenting Life Coaching exercises will help you focus your attention on the intuitive, emotional, and feeling elements of your inner Self-mastery studies. Fulfilling your emotional dependency needs is a Self-parenting educational process designed to teach you how to: be emotionally intimate with yourself and others; be unconditionally loving and accepting yourself and others; nurture yourself and others; and how to maturely protect your boundaries so that you will feel safe and secure in the world. The Self-parenting Life Coaching exercises take the concept of Self-nurturing from an abstract, hard to understand theoretical concept and break it down piece by piece into a step by step, easy to understand, specific set of emotionally Self-nurturing exercises.

A Self-parented person is one who has not only mastered the seven “pieces” of Self-parenting, but who has learned how to give and receive the Four Cornerstones of an emotionally mature, Self-parented adult by using those seven pieces (three “Ss” and four “Ps”) as well as the Validation Process. The four cornerstones of a Self-parented adult are: 1- emotional Intimacy 2-Self-nurturing 3- unconditional love & acceptance and 4- mature boundary protection. The seven pieces of Self-parenting will take you from a powerless child to a Self-parented adult. The distinction between who you are now, an adult who can use the four "Ps" of Self-parenting (Power, Protection, Permission and Practice), from whom you were as dependent child, will help you to differentiate your uncomfortable feelings (that are rooted in childhood) from your adult powers.

The indexes of suspicions will help you to diagnose what dysfunctions are anchored to each of your Inner Child developmental stages, and how to use the Self-parenting affirmations to heal yourself. You can get a real good indication of how wounded your inner child really is by how difficult your teenage years really were. The primary purposes of the adolescence stage of development are one and the same as your purposes for learning how to Self-parent:
1. To establish a unique emotionally mature adult identity.
2. To develop a healthy attitude about sex through exploration.
3. To become a Self-empowered adult who is capable of leaving home and living independently.

Remember that adolescence isn’t the last stage of childhood; it’s the first stage of adulthood, which means that your adult life was built upon the foundation of what your felt and experienced when you were a teenager. This is why Self-parenting your adolescent Self is so important.


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