Recovery/ 12 Step Series – Validation

How to Walk the 12 Steps with the HuMethod™ Article 19

How I Learned To Accept What Is “As Is” …

By Validating My Feelings And Experiences

By Certified Life Coach Deborah Giddings

Namasté soul friends,

Validation is the most esoteric skill of Self-Parenting.  Validating your feelings is where the rubber of life meets the road
of Self-parenting.  Validation means “to give value” to your feelings with well-grounded evidence of why
your feelings aren’t right, wrong, good or bad; they are just what you are feeling.
Taken from The HuMan Handbook Chapter on Self-Parenting

This  concept was completely foreign to me when I first walked into the rooms of  recovery.  Giving value to my  feelings?  What feelings?  I now understand that my ego mind, in an  effort to keep me safe, sane and secure, had completely shut down all of my  body sensations around my feelings.  You may be thinking – oh that ego – why would God give us an ego if it’s only going to cause us harm?  I’ve learned that my ego mind is not bad or broken it is a perfect God system.  My ego taught me how to repress, suppress, minimize and deny.   This was the anesthesia that I needed to survive a childhood growing up in a disease called Alcoholism.

I wanted to learn to validate my feelings because I spent my whole life judging them and then repressing, suppressing, minimizing and denying them, along with the body sensations associated with these feelings. People in my life always seemed to be telling me what I was feeling and when I expressed what I thought was a feeling it was poo-pooed as being right, wrong, good or bad. No wonder I never learned how to really feel my feelings.

Validating is using my intuitive heart not my ego mind (which was fed from all of my past experiences).  When I validate my feelings I’m giving them value and not judging them as right, wrong, good or bad.  It’s normal to experience
, it’s natural that certain feelings invoke specific body sensations and it’s necessary that I feel all of my feelings so they don’t turn into emotional blocks.

Becoming a Self-mastered adult means that I will function on the earth plane by utilizing my Higher Power (Spirit) to direct my life vs. the crazy committee in my head (Ego).  In order to do this I needed to learn to validate all of my feelings and experiences.  You’re probably asking – How do you learn to put the Higher Power (heart center) first and the ego-mind second?

In my program of recovery I started with the first 3 steps.  Once I truly turned my will and my life over to the care of my Higher Power then I was teachable.  When I started my training as a Certified Spiritual Life Coach with HLC, within a very short time I learned how to bridge the HuMethod™ exercises with my recovery work.  This took my recovery and deepened it so much that within a very short time I was able to enter my heart, quiet my mind and shift from the ego mind directing my life to my Higher Power (Spirit).

I know today that it is Normal for certain feelings to arise in my body.  It’s Natural for me to feel what I’m feeling because anyone who had experienced what I experienced would feel the same way.  And it’s Necessary for me feel and
release the feelings so that I can then move on to receiving the healing.

On a daily basis I still practice the HuMethod™ Spiritual Distinction Meditation.  When I get triggered and my ego mind jumps in and tries to tell me what I’m feeling vs. me actually feeling, I use the Validation exercise which helps me to accept what is as is and not judge it as being right, wrong, good or bad.

Thank You God that today I’m strong enough, mature enough, and self-parented enough to validate my feelings.  I can actually be in the moment without judging it and therefore the ego has no job when I validate my feelings.  I’m moving from Survival mode (effort laced with fear) to Thriving (living with purpose and passion).

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Deborah  Giddings, CSLC and Recovery Trainer

If you seek Recovery Coaching help for yourself or for a family member, if you are an HLC CSLC or CIT, an addiction counselor or a recovery coach, or if you are in any 12-step recovery program and you want to mastermind with Deborah, you can contact Deborah directly via her email  Deborah is also available for speaking engagements to share how her recovery journey was transformed by emotionalizing the HuMethod™ exercises.