Master Coach Hu takes the Coaching Lesson of boundaries and covers four boundary rules that lead to highly functional relationships. These rules will help you understand the level of openness you want in another individual and will also explain the proper level of openness to give to others.
Master Coach Hu's Training Series 1, #6 of 6
Why Healthy Relationship Boundaries Require Various Amounts of Openness... the Four Rules
One of the most important life lessons I learned since 1977 is that Psycho-spiritual inner work and being in emotionally mature relationships… Are Not Two Separate Tasks. They are one simultaneous process on your journey home to your inner Self.
That’s because relationship mastery is a major element of everyone’s human curriculum, and because Boundary Mastery is one of the most important skills of people who are in highly functional relationships.
That is why on this video I want to focus on why the amount of truth and openness you share with another person depends on how intimate you want to be with that person. Meaning, the more intimate you want your relationships to be, the more truth you must be willing to share.
Here are Four Boundary Mastery Openness Rules:
- Always Tell Your Self the Whole Truth, and Nothing But the Whole Truth
- Tell Your Loved Ones as Much Truth as They Can Maturely Process
- Tell Acquaintances and Co-Workers Enough Truth To Maintain a Highly Functional Relationship, While simultaneously Being Cognizant To Protect Your Privacy
- Don’t Tell The Truth... If Telling The Truth… Will Put You In Physical Danger
Ok let’s discuss each Boundary Mastery Rule in greater detail about Why Healthy Relationship Boundaries Require Various Amounts of Openness.
RULE #1 – Always Tell Your Self the Whole Truth, and Nothing But The Truth
The most intimate connection in your life is the one you have with your Inner Self. SELF dishonesty at best is counter-productive, and at worst is catastrophic. The good news is that as long as you never lie to your SELF, you will be able to heal the wounds created by violations of distance and intrusion, and you will be able to form new bonds with more emotionally honest, consciously conscious people. So, if you want to live a spiritually grounded life, always tell your Self the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth because… denial isn’t a river in Egypt.
RULE #2 – Tell Your Loved Ones as Much Truth as They Can Maturely Process
No matter how protective your “rational lies” or what some people call “white lies”-- may seem, they always reduce the amount of emotional intimacy within the relationship. And if the rational lying persists it will eventually poison the emotional intimacy within the relationship. But, at the same time how much truth do you tell a young child when he asks you where do babies come from. Or when a spouse who has shared that she feels emotionally overwhelmed asks you about your day when your day was very stressful too. The main point of this Rule is to dispense the truth with as much wisdom and diplomacy as possible without lying.
RULE 3: Tell Acquaintances, Co-Workers, etc. Enough Truth To Maintain a Functional Relationship, While Being Cognizant To-- Protect Your Privacy Boundaries.
Often times creating Healthy Boundaries requires you to… SAY NOTHING. Meaning, that sometimes it shows a fine command of the human language to keep your mouth shut. As opposed to sharing private matters with people who you hardly know, and who have yet to earn your emotional intimacy TRUST.
The key to this boundary openness Rule is to reveal just a bit of the truth at a time. There’s no need to blurt out your whole life story to everyone who says hello to you, or to embrace every acquaintance who decides to share very personal details about their life. Tell a bit of the truth, evaluate the reaction, and then tell a bit more- or not. This gradual approach allows you to adjust your relationship boundaries without… undue melodrama or over-sharing.
RULE 4: Don’t Tell The Truth If Telling The Truth Will Put You In Physical Danger!
Rule number 4 is simple… If a kidnapper, has you in captivity and is threatening your life – go ahead and lie! Meaning, say and do anything you need to say and do to… Save Your Life.
This concludes series #1, the next series covers How To Change Your Behavior.
