As a Transformational Life Coach in this Part 3 article about Boundary Mastery, I will focus on the most subtle boundary violation that my Spiritual Counseling clients find the most challenging to detect, which is Violations of Emotional Distance.
Why a Spiritual Coach Needs to Teach Boundary Protection
Violations of Emotional Distance occur when Emotional Intimacy is less than what is appropriate for the relationship. Many adults do not realize that they have the right to expect love, emotional honesty from their family, friends, and co-workers.
If you are in a relationship and your partner consciously or unconsciously removes or cuts off their emotional intimacy, it hurts, and it is harmful to the relationship. If not corrected, this emotional distance will become toxic and as such harm your healthy relationship intentions.
All too often I have to educate my Spiritual Counseling clients that remaining in a relationship that is devoid of love, emotional intimacy, reciprocity, and honesty is harmful to their psychospiritual health. That is why I teach my Transformational Coaching clients how to protect their intimacy boundaries by quickly Observe and Correct using Boundary Mastery Responsibility Communication skills.
Physical Actions to Protect Your Boundaries
As a Spiritual Coach, I teach my clients that if they make several attempts to Observe and Correct but it does not produce the desired result then they need to protect their boundaries by:
- “Voting With Their Feet” and leaving the relationship in order to protect their boundaries
- Using Detached Involvement to emotionally disengage from the relationship. This will allow their loved one time to learn from the natural consequences of their less-than-perfect behavior, which is as long as their actions don’t violate their boundaries.
You Have the Right To Expect...
As a Self-Mastered Adult You Have The Right To Expect That Your Partner will…
- Have the emotional courage to communicate with emotional honesty about their inner most feelings and
- Exchange emotional intimacy acts of loving kindness as appropriate for the relationship such as hugs, affection, active listening, empathy, and emotional validation.
- Invest the time that is needed to work on, and constantly improve your emotionally mature, consciously awakened relationship.
When these types of Emotionally Intimate Behaviors are not exchanged and kept in balance with someone who you want to be emotionally intimate with, this behavioral pattern constitutes a… Violation of Emotional Distance.
FREE COACHING COURSE
If you resonate with this information, HLC created a FREE Transformational audio course titled, 6 Lessons EVERY Coach Must Know. In it, you will experience some of HLC's clinically proven psycho-spiritual Coaching exercises that have helped clients achieve permanent, lasting change since 1993 in our Spiritual Coach Certification Course.
Whose Responsibility Is It?
In a healthy relationship the intimacy behaviors and communication responsibilities rotate between 60% and 40%... with each partner taking the lead as needed. That’s why if your partner is disconnected from their feelings to such a degree that you must be responsible for “80%” or more of the emotional honest communications, then your relationship is unbalanced and unhealthy.
The strangest thing that I have to teach my Spiritual Counseling clients is that if they are “80%” or more of the relationship then if they remain in the relationship they are violating their own boundaries of love and intimacy.
Validating violations of emotional distance is challenging. That is because any relationship where you are responsible to deliver “80%” or more of the emotional honest communication then sadly after a short period of time this dysfunctional behavior will feel normal, and as such, it will become harder and harder for you to emotionally Validate this violation of emotional distance.
After working with thousands of my Spiritual Counseling clients since 1993 I have learned that it is more challenging for my Transformational Coaching clients to validate their emotional Violations of Distance than it is to validate Violations of Intrusion. That’s because Violations of Distance are about what your partner isn’t doing. It is a relationship sin of omission rather than a physical trespass.
Since my Spiritual Counseling clients' original emotional distance wounds were created by “what they didn’t receive as a child” they are invisible, transparent wounds, as compared to their violations of intrusion such as being slapped in the face by a parent.
This is What I Teach My Clients To Do
This is why I teach my Spiritual Counseling clients how to:
- Dis-create their parentally idealized relationship beliefs.
- Create self-empowering, emotionally mature, intimacy relationships models.
- Then how to self-program them deep into their subconscious mind to create the permanent behavioral changes that they deeply desire.
My Spiritual Counseling clients new healthy boundaries mastery models support the development of a healthier Self-image, which in turn supports the co-creation of emotionally mature relationships. As Self-mastered adults, who have mastered how to maturely protect their boundaries they use their adult powers to feel safe, sane, and secure in the world.
I will end this three-part article about Boundary Mastery with three examples what to say to a person you are in relationship with who is consciously [or unconsciously] committing a Violations of Emotional Distance:
- “Since you are my consciously conscious, emotionally mature partner [spouse, sister, etc.] [Name] I have the right to expect that we will exchange appropriate acts of emotional intimacy and loving kindness such as hugs, affection, active listening, empathy, and emotional validation [to name a few] because anything less would be a Violation of Emotional Distance.”
- “[Name] I want to clearly communicate to you that I will not remain in a relationship that is void of emotional intimacy and communication honesty. Nor will I allow my Self to be held responsible for “80%” of our relationship’s intimacy needs. By this I mean I will not remain in a relationship where I am forced to deliver “80%” of the acts of intimacy and emotionally honest communications, because if I did so I would be… Violating My Own Boundaries.”
- “That’s why [Name] I expect you to have the emotional courage to communicate with me with emotional honesty about your inner most feelings in the same way that I do with you. I want you to understand that when you consciously or unconsciously cut off your emotional intimacy, or you withhold from me what you are feeling, That Hurts Me Because I Love You, and it’s harmful to our consciously awakened That’s why when this emotional disconnection happens we need to agree to quickly Observe and Correct this lack of healthy behavior by using our Boundary Mastery Responsibility Communication skills… AGREED?”
FREE COACHING COURSE
If you resonate with this information, HLC created a FREE Transformational audio course titled, 6 Lessons EVERY Coach Must Know. In it, you will experience some of HLC's clinically proven psycho-spiritual Coaching exercises that have helped clients achieve permanent, lasting change since 1993 in our Spiritual Coach Certification Course.