HLC Life Coaching Blog

December 19, 2011

Recovery/12 Step Series – Step 9

How to Walk the 12 Steps with the HuMethod™ Article 10

Made direct amends wherever possible,

except when to do so would injure them or others …

By Learning How to Communicate Responsibly

By Certified Life Coach Deborah Giddings

Namasté soul friends,

Making direct amends… I don’t know about you, but my ego had me making all kinds of excuses for not wanting to do this.  Taking this step meant that I needed to face my own “less than perfect” behavior and make amends. It didn’t mean that I took my list from Step 8, run out the door and ring doorbells to pontificate and excuse my behavior.  Amend means “to remove the faults or errors”.  In other words I needed “to change” before any of my relationships could change.  This made me realize that before making any amends I needed to do some soul searching.

Thankfully I have a Higher Power that is with me at all times and a Sangha Community where I can talk out what I have learned before I take action.  In program we call it the three “A’s” –Awareness, Acceptance and Action.  I became aware of my behavior in Step 4, right-sized that behavior in Steps 5-7, became willing to detach myself from the anger, resentment and fear through Forgiveness in Step 8, and now in Step 9 I am ready to start the process of developing Spiritual Relationships based on respect and trust.

Nowhere in this step does it say that my amends will be accepted by the recipient.  It only says that I am to make these amends,
unless it would cause more harm to the receiver, their family or close acquaintances.

I know today that the highest form of respect I can show people is to meet them where they are, not where I’d like them to be, and the HuMethod™ exercise of Responsibility Communication gave me the tools I needed to amend these relationships.

When I committed to communicating responsibly, I was able to find the source of my emotional pain.  This means that when I
am in a relationship that is causing pain, the pain that I am feeling is being stimulated by someone else in the PRESENT, but is usually manifesting from old relationship tapes from my PAST.  As quoted from the HuMan Handbook, “The heaviness I feel is what I wrapped around my heart to keep it SAFE.  Intimate relationships require me to “unwrap” my “de-fences” because my fences are keeping out the love and intimacy that I seek.”

Taking my 9th Step this time around, I used this HuMethod™ exercise and added the Seven Steps to Communicate Responsibly and today my relationships are more spiritually intimate and grounded than ever before.

Following
are the Seven Steps to Responsibility Communication:

  1. Commit to Using the Responsibility Communication
    Process
    .
  2. Heal First…Then and Only Then Problem Solve
  3. Objectively Own My Own Feelings
  4. Identify and Share My Feelings and
    Observations
  5. Follow My Feelings to Their Source
  6. Set an Appointment
  7. Learn the Eight Helpful Hints for Spiritual
    Communication

If you would like to get a free hand-out on the Seven Steps to Responsibility Communications and Eight Helpful Hints for Spiritual Communication, please email me at debcoaching11@gmail.com.

To learn more about Spiritual Relationships and Responsibility Communication, click onto any of the hyperlinks in this article or log onto Holistic Learning Center’s website and visit the Bookstore where there are OVER 70 Products between $10 and $25.

And remember to…
Stay connected… with HLC by joining our mailing list.

“LIKE” Holistic Learning Center on Facebook
Where you will receive daily coaching updates, words of wisdom, special savings offers,
PLUS the opportunity to Join the

Inner-net of One Abundance Exchange Educational Program for Global Transformation

Join me next time as I share how I am able to keep my side of the street clean using the HuMethod™ exercise of Dis-creation along with Step 10.    Keep coming – it works if you work it!

Deborah Giddings, CSLC and Recovery Trainer
If you seek Recovery Coaching help for yourself or for a family member, if you are an HLC CSLC or CIT, an addiction counselor or a recovery coach, or if you are in any 12-step recovery program and you want to mastermind with Deborah you can contact
Deborah directly via her email debcoaching11@gmail.com.  Deborah is also available for speaking engagements to share how her recovery journey was transformed by emotionalizing the HuMethod™ exercises.

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December 5, 2011

Recovery/12 Steps Series – Step 8

How to Walk the 12 Steps with the HuMethod™ Article 9

Made a List of All Persons We Had Harmed

And Became Willing to Make Amends to Them All …

By Forgiving My Self and Others

By Certified Life Coach Deborah Giddings

Namasté soul friends,

Before I could actually take this step there were many processes I needed to understand and work through.  First, I made the list.  Because the list had everyone I ever met on it, I then discussed the list with my sponsor so I could ‘right-size’ it and really identify who had incurred harm and who didn’t.  Second, I went over the list and asked the God of my understanding to help me become willing to make amends.  This part was more difficult because I didn’t know what it took to become willing, and I didn’t know what amends was.  Thirdly, I needed to trust and have faith that by doing this my life would be restored to sanity.

By reviewing the list with my sponsor I learned that one of my core beliefs was that I didn’t deserve to be loved.  This meant that my ego mind took every action I took and told me that I needed to be sorry. I spent almost the first half of my life saying “I’m sorry” and every time I said that, my ego reinforced my belief that I didn’t deserve to be loved.  In Step 7, when I used the HuMethod™ exercise of Dis-creation, I was able to see where my ego had me in a struggle between my divine ability to be a conscious creator, and my mental roadblocks and emotional baggage (resistance), and therefore kept me walking the same path over and over again.  No wonder I had every person I ever met on my list!!!

I was eager to find relief from the pain I had been living in but I still didn’t know what ‘willing’ meant.  I learned that to become willing I needed to accept what happened so I could detach from the story my ego mind kept trying to get me to relive. Accepting isn’t condoning what happened, but looking at what happened as a witness/observer and accepting “what is” as is so I could detach from the painful memories.  This took some time as I had to review the payoff I was getting by not accepting (i.e.,
people felt sorry for me and I got attention which my ego disguised as ‘love’).  Once I accepted and validated what happened, I needed to forgive because I didn’t want to keep reliving the trauma over and over again and stay connected to the pain of the past.  I tried ‘turning the other cheek’ and being magnanimous about forgiving, and I learned that this wasn’t forgiving at all.  It was just another form of judgment.  I was still attached to the pain.

Amends was another word that I had difficulty with because I thought amends meant saying “I’m sorry” and after saying I’m sorry to everyone for everything, and nothing changed, saying “I’m sorry” didn’t feel right to me.  So I learned that amends means “to change”.  So when I make amends it means that I am going to change my thoughts, words, and deeds which would in turn change the relationship.  I had to accept that I may never have a Spiritual Relationship with the person, based on truth and
integrity, but that my ego would no longer hold ME hostage.  Learning how to Self-parent my Self, in Step 3, and having good Boundaries really helped with making this change.

When I incorporated the HuMethod™ Forgiveness exercise with my 8th, this step really changed me.  Experiencing the forgiveness exercise finally released me from the blame, shame, victim game. I came out of this exercise detached from the trauma and past hurts and felt a freedom that I never knew existed. During this entire exercise, I didn’t have to condone what happened, but that I could detach myself from the painful feelings.  By forgiving I’ve released myself from the pain and trauma of the past because I accept and validate that what happened, happened.  My ego mind is out of a job because I am no longer resisting.

By not accepting I was repressing, suppressing, minimizing or denying my feelings, and until when I could final accept “what is” as is, I was able to feel my feelings.  I can then forgive and release the toxic energy that has kept me tied to them. It’s like cutting the rope that I had around people.  I’d throw people into the river with every fear and resentment, but because we were  connected, I’d go right in the river with them.  I learned how to love the person but hate the disease that caused them to act the way they did.

Today, because of the HuMethod™ Forgiveness exercise, along with setting healthy boundaries, I’ve learned to remember the lesson and forget the experience.

Today my life force energy is freed up so I can experience my birthright of Joy.  Since I am made of love, it is only natural that the real me is love.  When I set my Self free, I am able to be what I am – love.

If you are interested in learning more about Forgiveness click onto any of the hyperlinks in this article or log onto Holistic Learning Center’s website and remember to…

Stay connected… with HLC by joining our mailing list
“LIKE” Holistic Learning Center on
Facebook
Where you will receive daily coaching updates, words of wisdom, special savings offers

PLUS the opportunity to Join the

Inner-net of One Abundance Exchange Educational Program for
Global Transformation

Join me next time as I share how I learned to make amends using the HuMethod™ exercise of Responsibility Communication along with Step 9.    Keep coming – it works if you work it!

Deborah Giddings, CSLC and Recovery Trainer

If you seek Recovery Coaching help for yourself or for a family member, if you are an HLC CSLC or CIT, an addiction counselor or a recovery coach, or if you are in Al-Anon, AA, OA, GA, NA, SLAA and you want to mastermind with Deborah you can contact Deborah directly via her email debcoaching11@yahoo.com. Deborah is also available for speaking engagements to share how her recovery journey was transformed by emotionalizing the HuMethod™ exercises.

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